Lonely in a Crowded Room

Lonely in a crowded room missing being alone in a quite place and loving it.

I’m leaving home for 4 months in another country soon and I’m currently in my first ‘proper’ relationship. People won’t leave me alone. They’re either crowding me cos they’ll miss me, or they’re my boyfriend who I adore but I can’t stand the prerequisite that we must talk alllllllll the time. I miss being able to turn off my phone, computer and escaping with a book for a whole day and not returning to a tonne of messages saying ‘babe, are you ok?’, ‘how come you’re not replying?’, ‘what have I done?’

When did it become an offensive crime to want to shut off from the world and have some space?! Because I believe we need to go back there and stop it from happening because it is flipping annoying.

Rant over.

Peace out.

What The Tombstone Read

I am my own worst enemy
It is I who loves my company.
I’d like to say that I am loved
By more than my true God above.
I can can however not say this,
I’ve no heart but a dark abyss.
I pray I find a person who,
Can fill me wholly and is true.
This may have happened in my past,
And I turned them away too fast.

If that is so, then I shall die,
With lonely tears left to cry.
The end is near I feel it call.
It engulfs me and makes me small.
Do not fear in peace I shall rest,
Start and end, one beat of your chest.

(This is one of my own original works and whenever I’m feeling a bit down and out I always go back to this poem that I wrote about 4 years ago. It means a lot and no matter what, it always seems to understand.)

Me, Myself and Inspiration

I know the title of this blog post implies I’m going to tell you all about myself but instead I am going to take the Orange advert approach of ‘I am who I am because of everyone’ and tell you about them instead hence the ‘Inspiration’.

My faith inspires me to keep going, no matter how tough it gets. Everything is going to be ok as long as I trust in my God.

My family to me, is a cross between the Addams Family and the Brady Bunch but I love most of them all the same. The successful ones make me want to be successful with words of encouragement and knowledge of what to do next. The less successful ones inspire me to persevere, to look into every option until I have met my dreams and exceeded my expectations.

My friends inspire me to be different because they are. They each know themselves as much as teenage girls can, they are as comfortable in themselves and they know and are comfortable with me. That makes me be myself so much more. Never be sorry that you different be sorry the others are the same. Recently, I have also been inspired by the actions of some to not put up with more than is necessary, that saying ‘no’ and ‘good bye’ is sometimes actually the best thing for all those involved.

Music inspires me. It is the soundtrack to my life and despite the corniness of it all, it really matters to me. Music is always there in a shape or form, people aren’t. Music is individual to every person who hears and makes it, I think people are the same. Someone may see me as a friend or foe, a daughter or danger.

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I have inside of me so many parts, so many dimensions, feelings, thoughts, attitudes and moods, we all do. We should celebrate this more and we should be open to accepting all of these parts of a person, it’s the only way relationships can work.

15 Things To Look For In An Ex-Best Friend

So needed to read this! I recognised at least 12 of these in a former friend and only 1 of these things I myself (which I am officially working on). Confident to see this friend now, knowing that we separated for a reason and life is still great, only getting better!

Thought Catalog

1. Must have a unique and zany ability to always turn the conversation back to them. “OMG, so they’re saying that the tumor on your stomach might’ve metastasized? God, that reminds me SO MUCH of the time I got mono senior year of high school. I feel you, girl. Hugs and tickles!”

2. Must make you feel vaguely uncomfortable at all times. Thoughts like, “If this person is supposed to be one of my best friends, why do I always feel so weird around them?” should enter your mind often!

3. Must be totally fair-weather!!! “Wow, you have a plus one to the major party event of the year? I’ll be there in 60 seconds, girlfriend! Oh, you’re sick with the flu and need chicken soup? Oh, you just got dumped and need a shoulder to lean on? Oh. You know, I have really bad shoulders and am a staunch…

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I’d Rather Be Hated For Who I Am, Than Loved For Who I’m Not

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I’ve just read a blog post (http://thoughtcatalog.com/john-smith/2014/06/13-things-a-woman-can-do-to-be-more-attractive-to-men/) and to be frank it has royally pissed me off so I’m going to take it apart, ish. No ‘hate’ intended but a person can write a list telling me how to be attractive, I can write a countering list telling people how I’m in a perfectly happy relationship with a perfectly sane guy and I do barely any of these things. 

Note: the original blog was written from a guy to girls so that’s the only reason I’m returning it, girl to guys.


 

1. Stay in Shape
Fair play on this one. it’s not necessarily a ‘you must be model attractive or i’m off’ but staying healthy is ideal for all involved, particularly yourself. my weight’s fluctuated by about a stone since i began my relationship and no complaints, it’s mainly muscle after all but it’d be an issue if i suddenly piled on 3 stone of fat and it should be. 

2. Lay Off the Body Modification
this is the one that annoyed me the most. everyone is entitled to their own tastes of course but ultimately, a person should just be glad that they’re the chosen one that’s allowed anywhere near the other person’s body not so superficial and close-minded that they’re going to moan about pink her or a few tattoos. i have 2 tattoos and i plan on getting more, my hair is usually my natural colour but i like to play about with it, my body my decision. this has caused some disagreements but ultimately we’re grown ups that see past it. 

3. Make Your Own Money
within in reason and where possible, yes. Should you be married and one retires early or you decide it’s best for the children that one parent stays home or whatever than maybe not but at least in the beginning, how can you go into a equal relationship if you immediately rely on the other person to support you. 

4. Be Feminine
to be honest, people get so annoyed about what is feminine and what is masculine that it’s all descended into nonsense so why don’t we just stop using the terms and let people act however they wish. 

5. Be Submissive
nope. unless that’s how you enjoy your ‘alone’ time, there’s no need and I don’t want to know or talk about it. there’s give and take in all relationships, you take it in turns spoiling the other and so on but ‘submissiveness’ does not need to be brought into that. just no. 

6. Sex Life
good sex is necessary. and yes, the majority of people wouldn’t want to be the 1000th person their partner had slept with but really, even hookers deserve husbands. 

7. Be Intelligent
yes. know how to hold a conversation beyond the mundane or life will get boring. 

8. Be Childfree
bollocks. what if someone was married, had a child textbook fairytale style then he died? that woman still deserves a partner and that child deserves a father figure. 

9. Be Willing to Cook at Least Three Times a Week
but it’s ok to eat takeout the other 4 nights because nothing is mentioned about the man cooking. just cook as when you can/want/work permits. jeeeezz, fifties clothes are nice but the relationship ideals are way outdated. 

10. Put Down the Phone
yeah, it’s far better to have the person you’re with’s undivided attention but if they want to post a few selfies all over the internet of you guys and what you’re up to, take it as a bloody compliment!

11. Ease Up on the Makeup
less is more for sure but never go out feeling uncomfortable. i have acne, i wear make up but i know that being an orange clown is not attractive, to me or anyone else. 

12. Stop Cussing
they say that those that swear more are actually more trustworthy. Yes the f word every other sentence isn’t nice but aslong as it isn’t in front of the parents/grandparents, does it really matter? i actually think it is a really honest way of showing passion and feeling in some circumstances and passion’s awesome. 

13. Stop Hoarding Guy Friends
I like guys more than girls and it shows in the friends i keep. no one’s changing that. also, for a boyfriend it means that she can fulfil the ‘friend’ part of ‘girlfriend’. yes they may want to sleep with her but take it as a compliment that you have a hot girlfriend and trust that she won’t, if you can’t trust her then why are you with her? and that ‘i trust her but not them’ is absolute nonsense so don’t even try it. 

 

So I agree with 5 of these mostly but the rest are ridiculous. As long as ultimately you’re decent person, there is someone out there who’s going to find you the most beautiful thing on the planet. Every person and every relationship is different so don’t try to fit some kind of mould. You in your human imperfectness, makes you perfect for someone else out there; I promise. 

‘I am fearfully and wonderfully made’ 
Psalm 139:14

Welcome to the 21st Century; It’s What We’ve All Been Waiting For

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It confuses me that parents and children do not have a intrinsic bond that enables them to like each other, only perhaps love each other because they have to;
Apparently children owe their parents so their parents needn’t do a good job to earn praise;
Apparently people can decide when they want to be parents, when a child is a child;
Apparently the gender of the parental couple affects whether or not they can parent;
It confuses me that I can tell my mother I don’t like her and she can return, but I cannot say I love her.

It confuses me that people enter, supposed to be life lasting marriages knowing that there are things about their partner they truly detest;
Apparently the likes of Elizabeth Taylor can marry 8 times but homosexuals ruin the sanctity of marriage;
Apparently it’s laid-back and almost cool for people to admit they don’t think marriage is forever;
Apparently it’s ok for an 8 year old to be promised to a 40 year old because that’s their country’s culture;
It confuses me that ‘romantics’ settle for a contract and a big party that can be gone back on fairly easily.

It confuses me that the majority of cultures find rape completely wrong but the phrase ‘asking for it’ is bandied about in everyday conversation;
Apparently in a relationship, sex is always on the table and the issue is with the person who refuses;
Apparently ‘sexual sin’ is far greater than any other though God is not actually recorded as saying so;
Apparently feminism is a concrete belief but ‘masculinism’ is yet to be established because men can ‘deal’;
It confuses me that many cultures place sex on a pedestal but rape is a ‘go-to’ punishment/abuse.

It confuses me that humans are social beings that naturally dislike loneliness but many would rather sit (hide) behind a screen than face their loved ones and socialise;
Apparently how a sentiment is expressed, text, email, face-to-face, doesn’t matter, the feeling remains;
Apparently actions no longer have to match up to words;
Apparently people can do what they want because it can all be hidden;
It confuses me that we want to save the earth but we won’t enjoy it anywhere near as much as we could.

It confuses me that honesty is the best policy but political correctness affects directness.

17 things every girl needs to remember at all times

This last point especially was exactly what I needed to read.
It’s all good guys, life’s a spectacle, life’s a journey, you can’t avoid it, you can’t beat it so live it and enjoy it!!

Hannah Gale

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Because life isn’t always easy, most of the time it’ll make you want to smack yourself in the face, cry for no reason and eat potato-based products. But that’s a-ok.

Go on, remember these things and try not to have a breakdown today..

1. Nobody on their deathbed ever says that they wished that they had worked more. Any dying regrets will be that they loved harder, lived fuller and embarked on more adventures. Remember that when you’re beating yourself up about your career or lack of. Your work should always be to fund your lifestyle and happiness and not to be the epicentre of your universe. If you’re moping because your career plan just ain’t happening, get a grip. Go on holiday with friends or have a boozy barbecue with family. Don’t ever forget to think about and prioritise what makes you happy.

2. £2.99 eyeliner from Collection 2000…

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I Write Poetry When Nothing Else Makes Sense

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Love, loss, hurt and strife
All of these we suffer to live our life
Want, need, hello, good-bye
Sometimes we all let the smile pass us by. 

Tears, triumph, fear and frown
Do not be afraid, written down
Tricks and treats are a curse
Only believe in the same verse

(It seems a bit silly to add this in, but this is my original work so please don’t copy it without crediting me, not saying it’s good enough to be copied.)

Lesson Learned

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Don’t want what you don’t need and certainly don’t put up with it. 

 

No matter if you’ve been friends with someone for 15 years, or married to someone for 25 years if they don’t benefit your life and you don’t benefit theirs then don’t deal with or just put up with it, be done with it while you can still let go amicably. Harbouring bad feelings leads to so much unnecessary pain, heartache and arguments. That’s what I’m suffering right now. 

Never again. 

Lesson learned. 

The Girls Who Aren’t Like Other Girls

Replace American football with English football and I could have written this article. Love it!!

Thought Catalog

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You know those annoying girls who aren’t very girly, the ones who know everything about college football rankings and crack crude jokes, and always seem to have more male than female friends? Well, I’m one of them.

No, it’s not an act and no, I’m not trying to be one of the guys; it just comes naturally.

I happen to truly love the sport of football and yeah, maybe that stems from Sundays on the couch with my dad (who claims my first word was actually touchdown) but so what? Why does that make my football obsession any less legitimate? I do prefer a craft beer with a good steak over a glass of wine and a salad. I was taught to appreciate a hearty meal growing up but that doesn’t make me any less of a girl because of it.

I still love to…

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